The other day guitar man and I went to get coffee and at the coffee shop there was an empty cabinet that said date scones. There were no date scones which is the worst sort of bullying IMHO. (I'm not even humble) I asked if they had any, and the lady said no but we do have some muffins. Muffins are yuck and I actually HATE them so it was a crushing blow. So today I got off my ass and made date scones. They're so cheap to make and so so easy. And so delicious. I don't know why I don't make them more often. I do - it's because I am lazy, but today I am procrastinating because I have so much to do, I thought I may have put this recipe up, but then when I checked I hadn't. Because I am too cheap-ass to pay for the professional version of this site I just have to google. I did find out that the Fat Gherkin in Moira has the best scones. It is in County Down where my family is from, and I am pleased they have named a town after me. I am a little insulted by the name "Fat Gherkin", and am wondering if they are referring to the fact that when i took the photo of the scones I stuffed another one in my gob. If I was the queen I'd get my cook to make me scones and the butler could bring them to me all the time. There was a discussion about that here because initially I was going to get my butler to make scones, and I was told the butler wouldn't even deliver them, that would be the houseboy, so it is probably good that I am not the queen because of my lack of knowledge around servant protocol. A friend had scones at Windsor castle, and she said they were the best scones she ever had and she doesn't even like scones, but they were yum as. She also met the Queen. The real one not me. You need (this is kinda based on the edmonds)
You should make these. They cost about $1.60 to make a whole heap. Way better than $4.50 for a ghost scone. 10 year old said she ate too many and now she feels sick.
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15/7/2019 0 Comments The Best Birthday Cake EVEr!So this cake was designed by a couple of amazing students called Anika and Mancha, and it is AMAZING and super easy. It just takes like forever to make. well a few hours. but wows everybody. and makes you look like a total amazing mama or in the photo above the most amazing non-mama. And it tastes good too. You need a mixer though for the icing. Borrow one. Someone will have one. You need for the cake only 3 things (well 9 actually)
For the icing
Decoration
Icing!
To put together
28/1/2019 0 Comments Brownie that works and is easyIt is hot and it is back to school tomorrow. I was meant to shop but didn't. instead I got basics from the local 4 square and decided to make a brownie. And then it was 32 degrees. It's now 9.30 and is 26 degrees but I'm sure it is way hotter. I'm sweating like a pig. A glamorous pig but a sweaty pig nevertheless.
I made a brownie. And made the world hotter as a result by converting electrical energy into heat energy. But hopefully no CO2, just hydro-electric. Ugh global warming I thought i'd share the recipe with you. even if I am hot There won't be much banter because I'm a bit grumpy. I will be so grumpy tomorrow. Today we were playing cards and my fingers were all sweaty. Gross huh. Brownie. It's yum and you have to hide it - quite sticky too in the heat, probably better in the winter but Yum still. You need
God it's so hot. It's like being in a sauna so I may be svelte soon. And mosquitos are biting me. Bastards. 15/1/2019 0 Comments Pikelets which are easy and yumI can't even believe I haven't put this up. Seriously this is so easy. I learned to make them when i was little.
When I was in the primers I remember sitting on the mat. We had kinda woven plastic mats that if you started at long enough they'd get a 3D effect like those 1990s pictures, which i never bothered with because I'd done it all when I was five. Anyway I was on the mat and had a brainwave, which was we should have a club where we do crafts after school. So my club was shit because my Mum worked as a primary school teacher and who could be fucked dealing with little kids after a days teaching. All I can remember making was a lame-ass chicken out of a circle of yellow paper with an orange folded triangle for feet and an orange folded triangle for a beak and you drew and eye on it.. Maybe it was for easter. I was mortified because the crafts I had in mind were way cooler and elaborate, not just the shit stuff designed for the thickest kid in the class. Which actually thinking about it as I write this, could well be what that activity was. God were we just guinea pigs for a shit classroom activity. Anyway my club folded quick smart, but my friend Catherine (with the Yahtzee, which they still have) took it up, or rather her Mum did and it was awesome. Every week we made the coolest stuff like dolls house furniture, and I remember making a decorated box for mother's day. Now we were talking - that was the kinda shit I imagined. We (my family - not the club) went to Europe when I was nine for 5 months which was amazing, but I was quite gutted on my return to see they'd made a particularly fetching doll's bed with bolster cushion. My friend Dianne's was in emerald green and i was pretty jealous. We also developed a complex game called club-tiggy which only the select group could play because the rules were so complex. (Tiggy is from the Latin tetigi which is the perfect tense of tungere or touch - who knew we were so educated and sophisticated in 1970s South Auckland) When her Mum didn't have anything for us to make, we made pikelets or club-fudge (normal fudge with club in the name). That was pretty exciting and special, and I still make these today - thanks Mrs P!. Today I made them for lunch and the 16 year old asked why there was so few - it was because I'd fed me and guitarman first of course -so she made a second batch. Imagine if I'd called her from her room to make some. Actually don't imagine that, because it would not have been pretty. Pikelets
I wasn't sure where to put these. There should be a place called "I haven't been shopping and have an egg" but I haven't made that one yet. You could make this for a work shared thing but these are a bit dumb when they're cold. Though you could make them little and then put jam and cream and a tiny pansy on top. Sourcing the pansies would be the hard part for me. I could steal them from a council garden but that is frowned upon. Pansies are one of my favourite flowers. Along with Peonies and Lilies. Feel free to send some. Addendum: Do not add sultanas. Except Carol, who is cool except for her sultana fetish - you can add sultanas, but only if you eat up all the pikelets laden with butter in the privacy of your kitchen, or you're taking them to a rest home where sultanas are a treat. 17/8/2017 0 Comments and even easier sconesSo my friend at work Tracey with an E told me I should put this up. the last post I did on here was for scones too. She probably thinks hers are better than mine. They quite possibly are. I was gonna test them out but I can't for the following reasons. 1. a 15 year old is meant to be cleaning up the kitchen post dinner. I reminded her, and got the response "I know, shut up" followed by "get out". It wasn't worth my while staying. She hates the food I make. Sometimes she opens the window and tips it out for the birds to eat without touching it. This isn't even a joke. Luckily I have a good self image and a thick skin. And Chook Chook the chicken to eat the food she dumps outside. (addendum: "don't even. You nag. It's annoying") 2. I can't be fucked cooking, and Tracey is totally trustworthy so they'll be sweet as. Tracey got a kitten off me too, so she's extra cool. My kittens are the best ever. not mine actually the cat birthed them. Justin made them for a shared lunch we went to. I was actually quite surprised someone takes this blog seriously, god knows I don't (but does he, if I'm an athetist?). Anyway he put them in muffin tins. I ate heaps of them, and he suggest that I photograph them, so I did. Here is her recipe
I recon you could make these with bits of tomato (remove the seeds) and capsisum and ham and make them a savoury meal for lunches. They'd be yum as. I never take my lunch though. Today I found some bliss balls in my drawer to eat. They're a bit shit aren't they. Chocolate Freddos are way nicer (I'd finished them already) Thanks Tracey with an E you're the best x ps that's just an e in her name, not E for ecstasy, M motherfucker motherfucker, F from us to you. go the 90s 1/1/2017 0 Comments Scones - easy as broWho doesn't like a good scone? Kids that's who. But if you have to take something and you're short on the old cash-ola then scones are your go to. (why am I talking like a 1940s gangster, fuck knows)
Anyway make these, and bring some jam and whipped cream, or butter and jam if you can't be fagged to whip the cream. and everyone will think you're awesome as. This is based off the trusty old edmonds recipe but I've improved it. Because I am awesome. Remember that and send cash. I serve these in a basket with a pretty cloth. Actually I don't but if I was on to it, I would. I double this recipe for shared morning teas at work. It uses heaps of flour, but flour is cheap as, and everyone thinks home baked scones are super fancy. I am super fancy.
16/3/2016 0 Comments Cinnamon Buns Who doesn't love Cinnamon Buns. Freaks that's who.
Here is a fantastic recipe, but you need time. you need about 90 minutes really. Make sure they are cooked properly. I made these for work and I didn't and they were crap. Actually I made a different recipe and they were crap, but it wan't the recipe it was the cook time. It was all a but much for me tbh, but people ate them. Sorry coworkers. When I was at school they used to sell the best ever cinnamon buns in the school canteen with pink icing. One time a friend bought one and we were all trying to scab some off her and she said "no". I was shocked. I never ever knew that you could NOT share food. WTF is that all about?! If you come to my house I will share a cinnamon bun with you even if it is my last one. Especially if it was my last one. That was one of my overriding memories from Form 4. along with that chick with fuzzy hair being mean to me, and missing rubbish pick up duty by accident and sitting in Mr Toryn's Social Studies class talking with friends instead. And the Karate Kid came out and the boys wore those rising sun headbands to the school social. Oh and Kathy had a party and we went to the phone booth to ring the boys up to invite so her mum didn't hear us. So obviously 4th Form was a pivotal year in my schooling. Hey 4U peeps. I hated 4th form with a passion. The dumbest ever thing about making these is the cleaning up. if you have flour and water on the bench it all makes a dumb sticky mess. I really should be a princess who has staff to clean up after me. but then I guess I wouldn't be baking my own cinnamon buns. Ps if you wish to sponsor my princess-ness please message me. Ingredients Dough 1 cup plus 2 tablespoons warm water (hand warm water, think of it as a nice warm hot pool for yeast to have sex in - asex, they do it on their own) ⅓ cup vegetable oil (a bland oil like canola or my fave, grapeseed) 2 tablespoons active dry yeast (more if you only have sure bake I'd double it) ¼ cup sugar 1½ teaspoons salt 1 egg 3½ cups high grade flour (you can use plain if that's all you have) Filling 40g butter - melted (margerine if you're a wanker) ¼ cup brown sugar 1 teaspoon cinnamon (nom nom) Glazing 25g butter - melted Icing 1 cup icing sugar 2 tablespoons milk (this might be a little thick so you could add 1 more tablespoon of milk, but you want it to be thick so it sets, not all runny) Instructions
3/12/2015 0 Comments Easiest sponge cake (no baking!)so I moved this to desserts but have no idea how to delete this. It's a crap one anyway. Don't even look.
3/12/2015 4 Comments Broccoli, Bacon and Cashew SaladThere is some history behind this salad which I have shared with some of you. If you want to know ask me when you see me. Anyway the upshot is I am nice and some people are mean, even if they didn't mean to be that mean, it still made me feel really really stink. But here is the salad. It's not like a healthy ooh I only eat quinoa and kale salad, but it is yum as. PS broccoli - Two C's - One L
1 head of broccoli Real Mayo - I use Pams. I love PnS - don't hate the playa, hate the game (of supermarket shopping) Bacon - heaps - Maybe 10 -12 rashers - streaky is the best Cashews - I get a big scoop- hmm maybe 1/2 to 3/4 cup it doesn't really matter. If you get too many you can eat the left overs.
People WILL ask you for the recipe. direct them here. or pretend you made it up. I don't care. 1/12/2015 0 Comments Easy as KebabsOK, so you know when you are going to a BBQ and you say "I'll bring some meat" but then what do you bring? Every one will bring some sausages... and chicken parts seem to be fashionable, and you might want a steak but then you have to hover round the BBQ trying to look really casual, until someone says "I'll have that" and then it is really awkward because you have to say "actually that's my steak" and they might say "Oh, I though we brought food to share" and then you look really stink if you say "but it was really expensive eye fillet and I don't even know you fuck-knuckle so piss off cos it cost me heaps and I saw you arrive with a bag of budget chips and a small tub of coleslaw"
Marinated steak - get a couple of packs Kebab sticks Chop steak into 1cm cubes (approx - don't get your ruler out!) Thread onto skewers evenly (9 pieces per skewer is fair) the end. Easy as) |