13/1/2019 0 Comments Board Games
Here in the Moira-house we play heaps of board games. My kids went through a monopoly phase and now we own pretty much every monopoly set brought out. In the end I stopped them buying different versions, so they spend their money in more dissolute ways. Question: why do the kids have a higher disposable income than me? Answer: They were wise enough not to reproduce.
Anyway, so you don't have to play them, here is a review of board games. (this list is not exhaustive but is boring enough) 1. Monopoly - as I said we have a zillion different versions - they are all essentially the same though and always end up in a fight. This link goes to the one "now with Cat Token" if my kids see that, they'll want that version too. For a while I was banned for being too competitive - like that's even a thing. And now it is a cunning match of wits and a race to get hotels up. the 15 year old is a rule freak - Jaysus he should really be chief justice. Anyway this game lasts frigging hours and sucks balls. 2. Catopoly - the 9 year old got this for Christmas. It's just monopoly with Cats. and an excuse to say "hmmm this is like another game I can't quite put on finger on" and "4 house what do you mean - these are litter trays" Seems less fighty than Monopoly but that maybe because of the calming effect of cats. 3. Monopoly Empire. This is only like monopoly in that there are chance cards and a square board (9 spaces on a side instead of 10 says the Maths- boy - yeah it's not advance Maths but who would have noticed) and you can go to jail. Otherwise it's completely different. I like it because the games are short. Much less than the multi-houred extravaganza of monopoly. And you can target people (or be kind in my case). i feel uncomfortable about the brands and consumerism that I am exposing my kids to but in light of the short playtime and the face I win quite frequently I can overlook their decent into a relationship with brands as a substitute for healthy human relationships (I stole that of WIkipeadia) 4. Cluedo. I quite like this for the murder aspect and the fact I personalised it with our family and our interests "Guitarman with a glass of milk in the hall". Sadly you don't get to virtually murder anyone, the killing is already done for you. However I failed to personalise half the game and the marking cards which makes things a bit shit at times. It good until you have a cheater. Or a 9-year old who guesses the answer in round two. 5. Upword. We got given this for Christmas. In game one I misinterpreted the rules, and won. Then the genius boy read the rules and corrected me. Subsequently I lost every game. This game is a mindfuck. I still like it though because it's new. In a week's time that opinion will be different. 6. Yahtzee. My friend Catherine had this when I was little and I was quite jealous. It looked amazing on the TV ads. It is one of my favourite games because it isn't too long and I win quite frequently. One time my friend Robyn and I went away with out kids, and it was raining and we had no money, so we went to the $2 shop and bought dice and the lady kindly let us copy the Yahtzee pad. How budget is that. But it was hours of entertainment for $2 which is pretty awesome for 6 people. Not amazing entertainment like we were snorting coke in Las Vegas* but it did the trick. * I actually have (a) never snorted coke nor (b) been to Las Vegas. Don't judge me.
7. Mastermind. I put a picture up because check out that guy and chick. WTF. In the early 1970s that was the epitome of sophistication. I really wanted to be a chick in a slinky gown standing behind a man in a suit with my arm on the chair. That was one of my aspirations. Instead I was a bit too opinionated and short to take that role. And I slinky dresses really weren't the thing in the grungy '90s. This game looks lame, but it's better than it looks. Except it is really anxiety inducing. Also don't play against genius-boy who gets the answer in a minimum of moves and is smug about it. There are no fights but there is a lot of stress.
8 The Game of Life. Do not buy this ever. Especially do not buy a 1960s version from the op-shop for $3. This link goes to the modern version. I think it is shorter because everyone's attention span has been fucked up. In the 1960s and 70's everyone spend broad tracts of time being bored out of their skulls. I guess that's why the era looked like this. This is the most depressing game. Especially when the genius son becomes a physicist and the other kids become doctors you're stuck with a being a teacher earning heaps less than them and they say "just like in real life Mum". What game has stocks and insurance certificates. And the rules are like the Mgna Carta, and take an extended amount of time to peruse and interpret. It's a shit game because you get ahead and then there's insurance and taxes to pay. So it essentially just like your life. Especially because you start out all optimistic and then it just goes downhill and any small glimmers of light is quickly extinguished by another fucking bill. And it goes on for ages. The track winds all over the board, so just when you think you're coming to the end you're not. Everyone loses in this game. If you play it get a DNR order, and see if you can drive into the bridge. If you think i am exaggerating then check out this ad. They're trying to sell the game, so these are the highlights. Ps everyone get a car, fuckwit (that's not aimed at you - just that kid in the ad) and there's not enough revenge squares. (that's pretty much like real life too)
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