23/1/2018 0 Comments Gut flora or gross bugs inside youSo at the moment im in hospital, and actually real sick. Turning yellow with a fucked up liver, uti, bacteria in my blood and probably my gall bladder. Like so sick i can't hardly eat, which you all know is one of my favourite things. Anyway photographic evidence here. Are those photos massive? I'm doing this on my phone, so sorry if they are, i just learned the desktop version and now this mobile shit, and I'm pretty wasted. Plus there's no spell check and I'm shit at spelling, and I'm wasted so apologies. I'll fix errors later when they release me. Anyway it's not all bad being in hospital. Im away from the kids, I haven't been allowed to eat, and now I can I don't want to so I'm gonna be supermodel thin by the time I leave, AND they have put the cutest young male doctors on my case, and when i went in I was wearing sexy as knickers. Yuss. The man said he'd packed more sexy ones for me. He's happy to indulge my fantasies. The man and the kids came to visit and ate a pack of lollies in front of me. I said i might die. The man said he'd be off sayonara, and the kids argued about who would get my bed. The son asked for my laptop, but that belongs to work so noone gets it. They quite liked the idea of being orphans because they'd get lots if sympathy at school and got to live on their own. But they are giving me heaps of intravenous antibiotics, and last night in my feverish state, i remember them slapping some vitamin K into me. Vitamin K is made by your gutflora, or bugs in your belly, so all the babies I've loved and nutured in my intestines are getting massacred along with the wanker bacteria partying in one of my internal organs and my blood. Not real babies. They checked that.... phew none there. Bacteria babies. Anyway to get to the point of my post.. what can I do to fix it, and because you're all dirty and will get sick and need antibiotics I decided to share it with you. So i did some research and found this. Can't even put a link in but its at the bottom of the picture so just read it muthas. To review their suggestions: who the fuck eats jerusalem artichokes. Where do you even find them? Polenta is yuck as. It is like a gross corn porridge, even when fried. No one should eat that shit ever. Tempeh tastes ok but freaks me out, its weird as.
Weirdly I had a baked bean craving before I came into hospital. I pathetically lay on the sofa and asked the man to cook me some. He did the job admirably. Anyway my own personal gut restore program goes like this
Now i feel like passing out, so just appreciate the sacrifices I make for you. My temperature was high as while i wrote this so i had to look like a dick with a flannel on my head in front of a fan because I've had all the drugs they were prepared to give me.
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